The Voice's Golden Moments 2007 no's 15-11...
Number 15 – ‘Jack vs Rob’
Date: Saturday July 14th
Opposition: Stanford Le Hope
Starring: Jack Sexton and Robert Catchpole
As the first team tried to save the game against strugglers Stanford, the Sexton family entered the park from the tree end gate and wandered down toward the pavilion. The first team players sitting in a line watching the play, all greeted them in a style befitting the family of their leader. However Robert Catchpole had other ideas, in the lead up to what appeared to be a second line gag he leaned forward from the line and asked Jack – “Is that Jack Sexton?”, Jack (possibly sensing a trap) replied “Is that Laura Catchpole?” cue a stunned silence from Rob and uncontrollable laughter from the rest of the first team, who all high fived Jack as he sauntered round into the club.
Number 14 – ‘The disappearing player trick’
Date: Friday July 28th and Saturday August 25th
Opposition: Chinghoppers and Hutton
Starring: Dave Clarke and Simon (f*cking) Wallace
Laying down the gauntlet first in the ‘who can be off the field for the longest competition’ was the ‘sledghammer’ Dave Clarke who by going off for a loo break midway through the fielding innings against Chinghoppers took so long about it that captain Selfington firstly asked someone to locate the first teamer and then left the field himself to find his charge. Dave was discovered seated at the bar, enjoying a cooling pint whilst his team mates exerted themselves. After about 7 overs he returned to the fray looking chilled and well rested.
Seeing that the title was his for the taking Simon (f*cking) Wallace, left the field against Hutton with a minor contact lens problem that he turned into a full scale disaster. After leaving the field Simon dropped the aforementioned lens, and then began the search for a replacement. This took what seemed like days, as he trooped in and out of the away dressing room 3 times then needed to borrow keys to Selfington’s car to use a pair of his lenses. After strolling the long way round the pavilion into the car park the sound of Selfington’s car alarm was heard for several minutes as Simon seemingly attempted to gain forced entry into a car he already had the key to. After removing a lens from the vehicle he strolled back round into the changing rooms, later emerging with eye wear back in place a full 10 overs after he had left the field.
Gold medal for fielding avoiding goes to Simon (f*cking) Wallace
Number 13 – ‘Just like shelling pea’s’
Date: Saturday June 16th
Opposition: Buckhurst Hill
Starring: Steve Brown
As dark rain clouds gathered over the picturesque Buckhurst Hill, Leigh took to the field amidst the fairly chaotic organisation of the Buckhurst side, umpires coming out with no bails or stumps, players turning up five minutes after the start etc etc. David Catchpole began his second over bowling to the taller opening batsman, a legside delivery was flicked out into the on side, straight (and I mean straight) to Steve standing at square leg. Brown proceeded to spill the easy chance much to the horror of Catchpole and his team. Catchpole’s fury was heightened as the rest of his over finished up going into the bushes on the cover boundary ‘at speed’. A few overs later, still hanging his head, wondering how that chance had escaped his grasp, Brown was moved to point by his trusting captain. The very next ball from Brian Pettitt to the tall opener was chipped out to point at waist height, travelling about as quickly as a teddy bear that has been thrown out of its pushchair by a small child. Brown steadied himself and with eyes firmly on the ball, dropped it again. Cue a primal scream from Brian and much head shaking from the slip cordon. One over later and the heavens opened and the game was abandoned. Have one man ever lost so much respect in so short a space of time?
Number 12 – ‘Fore!’
Date: Saturday May 19th
Opposition: Benfleet
Starring: Brian Pettitt
Leigh batted all day for 160 and as a mind numbingly dull afternoon watching Benfleet block dragged out before the second team, one moment livened proceedings for all involved. Someone noticed a golf ball lying on the outfield and then another one flew onto the field in the same vicinity. All eyes turned to where the balls were coming from….and suspicion fell (not unjustly) on a long haired gentleman and his son standing near the playground both holding golf clubs, admiring the quality of their iron play. Big Brian Pettitt decided to instruct the budding John Daly that he should ‘push off’, the golfer (who looked like a cross between a character from Shameless and Meatloaf) was not too pleased with this and in a loud voice instructed Brian that he come closer and say that, and then a loud conversation between the two began consisting of the golfer screaming ‘COME ON THEN!!!’ brandishing his 8 iron. Deciding that taking on a crazed lunatic with a golf club was not his particular brand of vodka, Brian turned his back on the fellow and after a while the man dragged his son and his 8 iron back into the trees whence they had come.
Number 11 – ‘There’s two there’
Date: Sunday August 5th
Opposition: Bardoli
Starring: Dean Waller
After dropping 16 catches in the field Bardoli set about chasing down Leigh’s very competitive total. Early batsman showed that it was well past the tee off time and that swinging the bat and swinging the bat hard was par for the course. The main Bardoli batter, resplendent in sun hat was casually blasting everyone around the ground, even going so far as to dispatch Matthew Wallace into the lower field, smashing into a parked gypsy caravan on the full, much to the chagrin of its Romany inhabitant. Fielders were dispatched far and wide to stem the flow. In the next Wallace over the batter slapped a drive just to the left of Dean Waller on the boundary at mid off. Deano moved towards the ball and picked it up just as the dangerman was calling for the seemingly easy second. Waller and his left arm had other ideas and he fired the ball in toward the stumps furthest away from him. The ball then decided to do its best superman impression, accelerating through the air, before clenching its fists out in front of itself as it roared over the batsman’s head scampering the second, the ball then closed its eyes and dived head first into the leg stump, running the batsman out by a full 5 yards. Hit the showers!
Date: Saturday July 14th
Opposition: Stanford Le Hope
Starring: Jack Sexton and Robert Catchpole
As the first team tried to save the game against strugglers Stanford, the Sexton family entered the park from the tree end gate and wandered down toward the pavilion. The first team players sitting in a line watching the play, all greeted them in a style befitting the family of their leader. However Robert Catchpole had other ideas, in the lead up to what appeared to be a second line gag he leaned forward from the line and asked Jack – “Is that Jack Sexton?”, Jack (possibly sensing a trap) replied “Is that Laura Catchpole?” cue a stunned silence from Rob and uncontrollable laughter from the rest of the first team, who all high fived Jack as he sauntered round into the club.
Number 14 – ‘The disappearing player trick’
Date: Friday July 28th and Saturday August 25th
Opposition: Chinghoppers and Hutton
Starring: Dave Clarke and Simon (f*cking) Wallace
Laying down the gauntlet first in the ‘who can be off the field for the longest competition’ was the ‘sledghammer’ Dave Clarke who by going off for a loo break midway through the fielding innings against Chinghoppers took so long about it that captain Selfington firstly asked someone to locate the first teamer and then left the field himself to find his charge. Dave was discovered seated at the bar, enjoying a cooling pint whilst his team mates exerted themselves. After about 7 overs he returned to the fray looking chilled and well rested.
Seeing that the title was his for the taking Simon (f*cking) Wallace, left the field against Hutton with a minor contact lens problem that he turned into a full scale disaster. After leaving the field Simon dropped the aforementioned lens, and then began the search for a replacement. This took what seemed like days, as he trooped in and out of the away dressing room 3 times then needed to borrow keys to Selfington’s car to use a pair of his lenses. After strolling the long way round the pavilion into the car park the sound of Selfington’s car alarm was heard for several minutes as Simon seemingly attempted to gain forced entry into a car he already had the key to. After removing a lens from the vehicle he strolled back round into the changing rooms, later emerging with eye wear back in place a full 10 overs after he had left the field.
Gold medal for fielding avoiding goes to Simon (f*cking) Wallace
Number 13 – ‘Just like shelling pea’s’
Date: Saturday June 16th
Opposition: Buckhurst Hill
Starring: Steve Brown
As dark rain clouds gathered over the picturesque Buckhurst Hill, Leigh took to the field amidst the fairly chaotic organisation of the Buckhurst side, umpires coming out with no bails or stumps, players turning up five minutes after the start etc etc. David Catchpole began his second over bowling to the taller opening batsman, a legside delivery was flicked out into the on side, straight (and I mean straight) to Steve standing at square leg. Brown proceeded to spill the easy chance much to the horror of Catchpole and his team. Catchpole’s fury was heightened as the rest of his over finished up going into the bushes on the cover boundary ‘at speed’. A few overs later, still hanging his head, wondering how that chance had escaped his grasp, Brown was moved to point by his trusting captain. The very next ball from Brian Pettitt to the tall opener was chipped out to point at waist height, travelling about as quickly as a teddy bear that has been thrown out of its pushchair by a small child. Brown steadied himself and with eyes firmly on the ball, dropped it again. Cue a primal scream from Brian and much head shaking from the slip cordon. One over later and the heavens opened and the game was abandoned. Have one man ever lost so much respect in so short a space of time?
Number 12 – ‘Fore!’
Date: Saturday May 19th
Opposition: Benfleet
Starring: Brian Pettitt
Leigh batted all day for 160 and as a mind numbingly dull afternoon watching Benfleet block dragged out before the second team, one moment livened proceedings for all involved. Someone noticed a golf ball lying on the outfield and then another one flew onto the field in the same vicinity. All eyes turned to where the balls were coming from….and suspicion fell (not unjustly) on a long haired gentleman and his son standing near the playground both holding golf clubs, admiring the quality of their iron play. Big Brian Pettitt decided to instruct the budding John Daly that he should ‘push off’, the golfer (who looked like a cross between a character from Shameless and Meatloaf) was not too pleased with this and in a loud voice instructed Brian that he come closer and say that, and then a loud conversation between the two began consisting of the golfer screaming ‘COME ON THEN!!!’ brandishing his 8 iron. Deciding that taking on a crazed lunatic with a golf club was not his particular brand of vodka, Brian turned his back on the fellow and after a while the man dragged his son and his 8 iron back into the trees whence they had come.
Number 11 – ‘There’s two there’
Date: Sunday August 5th
Opposition: Bardoli
Starring: Dean Waller
After dropping 16 catches in the field Bardoli set about chasing down Leigh’s very competitive total. Early batsman showed that it was well past the tee off time and that swinging the bat and swinging the bat hard was par for the course. The main Bardoli batter, resplendent in sun hat was casually blasting everyone around the ground, even going so far as to dispatch Matthew Wallace into the lower field, smashing into a parked gypsy caravan on the full, much to the chagrin of its Romany inhabitant. Fielders were dispatched far and wide to stem the flow. In the next Wallace over the batter slapped a drive just to the left of Dean Waller on the boundary at mid off. Deano moved towards the ball and picked it up just as the dangerman was calling for the seemingly easy second. Waller and his left arm had other ideas and he fired the ball in toward the stumps furthest away from him. The ball then decided to do its best superman impression, accelerating through the air, before clenching its fists out in front of itself as it roared over the batsman’s head scampering the second, the ball then closed its eyes and dived head first into the leg stump, running the batsman out by a full 5 yards. Hit the showers!
posted by The Voice at 8:37 AM
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