Saturday 19th July
Old Southendians 213-5d
Leigh 217-3
With the third team sitting in a very respectable third place in the league, the focus of the side was all about driving on to the second promotion spot behind the seemingly unbeatable behemoth that is the Chelmsford 4th XI, (currently 70 points clear after only 11 games) The next site marked on Denis Freeman's map was an ominous one... Shoebury Park.
His side were still fresh from a very swift destruction of Benfleet, and were raring to bulldoze their way through the Old Boys. The selection fog had descended again this week and taken away the primary run scorer of the previous week with John Dyos slipping up to the second team in place of Tim Hewitt. With the third coming of Ed Freeman, OCD Giles was also back in the team to strengthen the batting still further. With a side that looked like it would give the second team a stern test, expectations were high. First to arrive was Neal Attwood, Steve Brown and Steve 'Lucky Tan' Elliott, who quickly cut off questioning about his fake tan streaked face by telling all that as he had taken 4 wickets the previous week after 'faking it up' he would be employing the same tactic this week. Style guru 'Lucky Tan' Elliott, decked out in t shirt, shorts, flip flops and baby Panama hat, then declared he needed to remove a large proportion of his body weight into the latrine next to the locked changing rooms. The loos however were not in the mood to let him focus his brown eye without a fight and the foul smelling dank toilet was enough to persuade him that he should rethink his tactics.
After wandering over to give the shining emerald green wicket a look over, it was decided that it looked good for a bowler, but with Brown offering that most green wickets he had come across in club cricket tended to act less like an overcast morning at Trent Bridge and more like a sun drenched afternoon in Calcutta.
A smattering of Old Boys then arrived to open up the 'pavilion'. 'Lucky Tan' then went for a second run at the WC but decided what he needed was a change in footwear, removing his flips and slipping on his cricket boots before heading in to enjoy the festivities. After there conclusion he joined his team mates inside the changing rooms and was understandably annoyed to find a clean bright toilet in the shower section, having just sat in the pitch black 'lake of filth' loo next door.
With the majority of the two teams having now filed into the Park like a regiment of the infantry heading into Passchendaele, and after the geographically challenged pair of Giles and Sexton (both needing detailed directions to pinpoint their intended destination) had found the ground, 21 of the players were ready to go. With only 'Tiger' Tim Hewitt remaining absent after he had phoned ahead to the captain with apologies for this transgression as he raced to the park.
The game kicked off with Sidearse opening up hoping to repeat the fireworks of Benfleet. Although his first overs were well directed, the OS batsmen were either equal to the task or not good enough to reach the delivery. At the other end Dave 'Robin Hood' Archer, formerly an Old Boy himself was trying to fulfil the role of avenging angel and started quickly having a few speculative early appeals. One of those appeals did however come after the batsman had skipped down the track so 'speculative' was very much the watchword for the early exchanges. The arrival of IPL Hewitt boosted the troops slightly as he strolled onto the pitch straight into the slip cordon. At the end of the over he informed all that in his rush to get to the ground he had in fact overlooked a need for a pair of cricket trousers, and had arrived without them. He was in fact wearing a pair very kindly lent to him from the opposing team! With Lucky Tan from one end and Robin Hood at the other, runs were hard to come by for OS. Archer then struck the first blow, getting one caught behind by King. This was however a false dawn as the wickets did not flow as they perhaps might have. Steve 'Big Dog' Elliott was still striving to extract some energy from what was actually a fairly dead pitch and with Archer providing line and length effectively from the other end, the run rate dried up completely. Neal Attwood's left arm seam was introduced into the bowling line-up for The Not So Lucky Tan from the bottom end, and he quickly produced the second wicket of the day.
At this point in a normal game, the fielding team would be buzzing and the batsman might have looked to launch a counter attack, however this game was different. Boredom levels were staggering high in the field as OS had only managed to reach 32 runs off the first 20 overs. Damian was beginning to think that the game was actually going to go over 5 days, and most of the other fielders were struggling to motivate themselves as maiden followed maiden and the game showed no signs of cracking into life. Then two moments literally cracked the dullness that was almost overflowing from the centre of the pitch.
The first of which occurred during an over from Archer. The OS batsmen were now beginning to find a few more gaps in the field and although still very slowly, the score was beginning to move along. Dave ran in to the crease (keeping his knees high), and delivered a pitched up ball that the batsman drove back firmly at the bowler, halfway through his follow through. Having dropped a difficult chance off his own bowling Dave was eager to make up for it and stooped manfully to stop the ball from going past him. He stretched out and got a finger on the ball to halt its momentum, then recoiling in horror at the pain this action caused. Dave Archer (M.D.) then yelled at the top of his voice (with reference to his injured digit) "Sh*t, that is broken, that is a broken finger, that is definitely broken" before adding "Den that is broken, f**k that is broken" his team mates displayed the normal solidarity during times like these, struggling to maintain straight faces as Dave continued to jig around on the strip like a Morris dancer after a nasty stick related accident. Many of the Leigh team were actually surprised that he had not said "Thhhhhhat’s a broken finger boys!" The opposing team found the whole affair fairly amusing with the umpire questioning whether Dave had become a doctor all of a sudden, due to the certainty with which he had self diagnosed the injury. After regaining his composure, Dave finished the over (to the surprise of all, who assumed he would be taking a trip off to Southend hospital to have his supposedly shattered finger repaired) Dave 'The Doctor' had other ideas though and after completing the over 'The Doctor' left the field to run it under the cold tap for a while, returning after about 2 further overs.
In the second incident, John 'Grey Dog' Elliott's arrived with ball in hand at what was in effect the left arm bowlers end for Leigh as Denis attempted to turn the screw on the strokeless batsman. However from nowhere the number 4 proceeded to skip down and send it, straight into the car park, where it nosedived straight into the back windscreen of a unfortunately places Rover saloon, making a horrible mess of the said glass. Quickly everyone sought out the owner of said vehicle, mostly to laugh at their misfortune, but alas no-one appeared to be responsible for it and it turned out to be a local crown green bowlers ride (unpimped). Fearing an explosion of lofted shots going into the car park, several OS players went to move their cars to a safer location.
This explosion did not occur luckily for the parked motors but OS started to milk the spin of John and in particular Joe 'Tiny Dog' Sexton to advance their cause. Fielders were dispatched to the boundaries and in Tim 'IPL Dog' Hewitt's case, he then made the unfortunate error of running through a 'canine misdemeanour' which, despite his best efforts to chip it off with a bit of bark (ironically), clung resolutely to the pimpled area of his addidas boots.
The OS picked up speed and a poor fielding display from Leigh helped as quick singles appeared from large areas of the field. Archer and 'Grey Dog' finally took the main run scorers wickets but the lower order of the Old Boys nipped around and pushed the total up to a respectable but very gettable 213.
As the Leigh players collapsed to the ground to eat their tea after what had seemed like a life age of the earth fielding, much talk was on whether our innings would be as dull as the preceding one had been. Opinion being divided on the subject, the news that Damian 'Aussie Dog' Liston would be opening meant that bookmakers made it 5/1 that the Leigh innings would be less exciting than the OS one. The news that Steve 'Ginger Dog' Brown would be accompanying him meant it went back to evens.
The openers strode out to face the might of the bowling; both had not exactly had runs flowing from their blades of recent weeks, in fact in the early going Aussie Dog's bat sounded as if it needed to be put down. Both men struggled to get going on the slow and low track. Once Listoff had replaced his bat (asking for a wider one to be brought to him) he quickly found the middle dashing a few lusty blows to the fence. After being struck a midships, causing him to stuck sucking in oxygen like a wounded walrus, Damian struck one cross batted smash over the fence, with the ball gliding straight through the window of one of the nearby council flats (much to the chagrin and no doubt surprise of the huge Rastafarian incumbents watching TV in there)
As Brown tried to keep the scoreboard ticking Liston went on the attack, taking the partnership up past 70 before Brown holed out in the deep for 24. Next man in was 'Posh Dog' Giles, joining Listoff at the crease to keep up the momentum of the innings. The chinned wonder went off like a rocket, smiting the bowling to the boundary repeatedly and bringing up his first 16 runs in boundaries. The Leigh scored moved on steadily as talk on the sidelines was centred round the horrific smells emitting from Hewitt's posterior. Many commenting that the borrowed trousers he was using would need extreme fumigation before they could be used again.
Talk then turned to the rather curious sequence of fiddling before balls that OCD Giles was going through out in the middle. It is widely known that Ben is slightly unorthodox in regards to his need for things to be 'just so' (just ask momma), but less well known are his cricketing habits in this area. By studying the afflicted one, it is clear the order of the (obsessive compulsive) disorder. Before facing any delivery Ben first touches his right pad near the top strap, then moves up to move the right leg inside thigh guard he wears. After these are done he switches to the left leg, firstly fiddling with his thigh guard before delicately stroking a small patch on the top left corner of his left pad, before finally returning to his left thigh guard for one last mind clearing movement before he is ready to face. This happens every ball without fail. Another issue displayed in what could be a psychiatrists dream is Ben's inability to step on any line painted on the strip. Choosing instead to hop over the paint to the 'safety' of the other side.
Despite these curious traits 'Posh Dog' continued to tick over the runs and it was Liston that fell first, dragging a pull toward mid on. As the ball was in the air however he made a desperate attempt to stay at the crease by shouting "Nnnnooooo" as the ball was travelling toward the fielder, which many commentators believe was ever so slightly unsporting, although Liston claimed later to have merely been annoyed at missing out on a hundred.
Attwood was next into the breach as the overs ticked down, Leigh still comfortably ahead but with work still to be done before victory was guaranteed. OCD Giles and 'Quiet Dog' Attwood set about turning ones into twos and punishing the bad balls and the runs ticked along nicely leaving Leigh only needing about 20 runs with 5 overs to go. Against the run of play Giles then perished for a well crafted 45, allowing Billy 'The Kid' King to come in and apply the finishing touches to the game with Neal. Leigh closed out the victory in the 19th over of the 20, but with a fairly comfortable 7 wickets in hand.
Denis congratulated his troops on a batting job well done, with a point that the team will need to be right on their games for next weeks visit of the all conquering Chelmsford!
Leigh 217-3
With the third team sitting in a very respectable third place in the league, the focus of the side was all about driving on to the second promotion spot behind the seemingly unbeatable behemoth that is the Chelmsford 4th XI, (currently 70 points clear after only 11 games) The next site marked on Denis Freeman's map was an ominous one... Shoebury Park.
His side were still fresh from a very swift destruction of Benfleet, and were raring to bulldoze their way through the Old Boys. The selection fog had descended again this week and taken away the primary run scorer of the previous week with John Dyos slipping up to the second team in place of Tim Hewitt. With the third coming of Ed Freeman, OCD Giles was also back in the team to strengthen the batting still further. With a side that looked like it would give the second team a stern test, expectations were high. First to arrive was Neal Attwood, Steve Brown and Steve 'Lucky Tan' Elliott, who quickly cut off questioning about his fake tan streaked face by telling all that as he had taken 4 wickets the previous week after 'faking it up' he would be employing the same tactic this week. Style guru 'Lucky Tan' Elliott, decked out in t shirt, shorts, flip flops and baby Panama hat, then declared he needed to remove a large proportion of his body weight into the latrine next to the locked changing rooms. The loos however were not in the mood to let him focus his brown eye without a fight and the foul smelling dank toilet was enough to persuade him that he should rethink his tactics.
After wandering over to give the shining emerald green wicket a look over, it was decided that it looked good for a bowler, but with Brown offering that most green wickets he had come across in club cricket tended to act less like an overcast morning at Trent Bridge and more like a sun drenched afternoon in Calcutta.
A smattering of Old Boys then arrived to open up the 'pavilion'. 'Lucky Tan' then went for a second run at the WC but decided what he needed was a change in footwear, removing his flips and slipping on his cricket boots before heading in to enjoy the festivities. After there conclusion he joined his team mates inside the changing rooms and was understandably annoyed to find a clean bright toilet in the shower section, having just sat in the pitch black 'lake of filth' loo next door.
With the majority of the two teams having now filed into the Park like a regiment of the infantry heading into Passchendaele, and after the geographically challenged pair of Giles and Sexton (both needing detailed directions to pinpoint their intended destination) had found the ground, 21 of the players were ready to go. With only 'Tiger' Tim Hewitt remaining absent after he had phoned ahead to the captain with apologies for this transgression as he raced to the park.
The game kicked off with Sidearse opening up hoping to repeat the fireworks of Benfleet. Although his first overs were well directed, the OS batsmen were either equal to the task or not good enough to reach the delivery. At the other end Dave 'Robin Hood' Archer, formerly an Old Boy himself was trying to fulfil the role of avenging angel and started quickly having a few speculative early appeals. One of those appeals did however come after the batsman had skipped down the track so 'speculative' was very much the watchword for the early exchanges. The arrival of IPL Hewitt boosted the troops slightly as he strolled onto the pitch straight into the slip cordon. At the end of the over he informed all that in his rush to get to the ground he had in fact overlooked a need for a pair of cricket trousers, and had arrived without them. He was in fact wearing a pair very kindly lent to him from the opposing team! With Lucky Tan from one end and Robin Hood at the other, runs were hard to come by for OS. Archer then struck the first blow, getting one caught behind by King. This was however a false dawn as the wickets did not flow as they perhaps might have. Steve 'Big Dog' Elliott was still striving to extract some energy from what was actually a fairly dead pitch and with Archer providing line and length effectively from the other end, the run rate dried up completely. Neal Attwood's left arm seam was introduced into the bowling line-up for The Not So Lucky Tan from the bottom end, and he quickly produced the second wicket of the day.
At this point in a normal game, the fielding team would be buzzing and the batsman might have looked to launch a counter attack, however this game was different. Boredom levels were staggering high in the field as OS had only managed to reach 32 runs off the first 20 overs. Damian was beginning to think that the game was actually going to go over 5 days, and most of the other fielders were struggling to motivate themselves as maiden followed maiden and the game showed no signs of cracking into life. Then two moments literally cracked the dullness that was almost overflowing from the centre of the pitch.
The first of which occurred during an over from Archer. The OS batsmen were now beginning to find a few more gaps in the field and although still very slowly, the score was beginning to move along. Dave ran in to the crease (keeping his knees high), and delivered a pitched up ball that the batsman drove back firmly at the bowler, halfway through his follow through. Having dropped a difficult chance off his own bowling Dave was eager to make up for it and stooped manfully to stop the ball from going past him. He stretched out and got a finger on the ball to halt its momentum, then recoiling in horror at the pain this action caused. Dave Archer (M.D.) then yelled at the top of his voice (with reference to his injured digit) "Sh*t, that is broken, that is a broken finger, that is definitely broken" before adding "Den that is broken, f**k that is broken" his team mates displayed the normal solidarity during times like these, struggling to maintain straight faces as Dave continued to jig around on the strip like a Morris dancer after a nasty stick related accident. Many of the Leigh team were actually surprised that he had not said "Thhhhhhat’s a broken finger boys!" The opposing team found the whole affair fairly amusing with the umpire questioning whether Dave had become a doctor all of a sudden, due to the certainty with which he had self diagnosed the injury. After regaining his composure, Dave finished the over (to the surprise of all, who assumed he would be taking a trip off to Southend hospital to have his supposedly shattered finger repaired) Dave 'The Doctor' had other ideas though and after completing the over 'The Doctor' left the field to run it under the cold tap for a while, returning after about 2 further overs.
In the second incident, John 'Grey Dog' Elliott's arrived with ball in hand at what was in effect the left arm bowlers end for Leigh as Denis attempted to turn the screw on the strokeless batsman. However from nowhere the number 4 proceeded to skip down and send it, straight into the car park, where it nosedived straight into the back windscreen of a unfortunately places Rover saloon, making a horrible mess of the said glass. Quickly everyone sought out the owner of said vehicle, mostly to laugh at their misfortune, but alas no-one appeared to be responsible for it and it turned out to be a local crown green bowlers ride (unpimped). Fearing an explosion of lofted shots going into the car park, several OS players went to move their cars to a safer location.
This explosion did not occur luckily for the parked motors but OS started to milk the spin of John and in particular Joe 'Tiny Dog' Sexton to advance their cause. Fielders were dispatched to the boundaries and in Tim 'IPL Dog' Hewitt's case, he then made the unfortunate error of running through a 'canine misdemeanour' which, despite his best efforts to chip it off with a bit of bark (ironically), clung resolutely to the pimpled area of his addidas boots.
The OS picked up speed and a poor fielding display from Leigh helped as quick singles appeared from large areas of the field. Archer and 'Grey Dog' finally took the main run scorers wickets but the lower order of the Old Boys nipped around and pushed the total up to a respectable but very gettable 213.
As the Leigh players collapsed to the ground to eat their tea after what had seemed like a life age of the earth fielding, much talk was on whether our innings would be as dull as the preceding one had been. Opinion being divided on the subject, the news that Damian 'Aussie Dog' Liston would be opening meant that bookmakers made it 5/1 that the Leigh innings would be less exciting than the OS one. The news that Steve 'Ginger Dog' Brown would be accompanying him meant it went back to evens.
The openers strode out to face the might of the bowling; both had not exactly had runs flowing from their blades of recent weeks, in fact in the early going Aussie Dog's bat sounded as if it needed to be put down. Both men struggled to get going on the slow and low track. Once Listoff had replaced his bat (asking for a wider one to be brought to him) he quickly found the middle dashing a few lusty blows to the fence. After being struck a midships, causing him to stuck sucking in oxygen like a wounded walrus, Damian struck one cross batted smash over the fence, with the ball gliding straight through the window of one of the nearby council flats (much to the chagrin and no doubt surprise of the huge Rastafarian incumbents watching TV in there)
As Brown tried to keep the scoreboard ticking Liston went on the attack, taking the partnership up past 70 before Brown holed out in the deep for 24. Next man in was 'Posh Dog' Giles, joining Listoff at the crease to keep up the momentum of the innings. The chinned wonder went off like a rocket, smiting the bowling to the boundary repeatedly and bringing up his first 16 runs in boundaries. The Leigh scored moved on steadily as talk on the sidelines was centred round the horrific smells emitting from Hewitt's posterior. Many commenting that the borrowed trousers he was using would need extreme fumigation before they could be used again.
Talk then turned to the rather curious sequence of fiddling before balls that OCD Giles was going through out in the middle. It is widely known that Ben is slightly unorthodox in regards to his need for things to be 'just so' (just ask momma), but less well known are his cricketing habits in this area. By studying the afflicted one, it is clear the order of the (obsessive compulsive) disorder. Before facing any delivery Ben first touches his right pad near the top strap, then moves up to move the right leg inside thigh guard he wears. After these are done he switches to the left leg, firstly fiddling with his thigh guard before delicately stroking a small patch on the top left corner of his left pad, before finally returning to his left thigh guard for one last mind clearing movement before he is ready to face. This happens every ball without fail. Another issue displayed in what could be a psychiatrists dream is Ben's inability to step on any line painted on the strip. Choosing instead to hop over the paint to the 'safety' of the other side.
Despite these curious traits 'Posh Dog' continued to tick over the runs and it was Liston that fell first, dragging a pull toward mid on. As the ball was in the air however he made a desperate attempt to stay at the crease by shouting "Nnnnooooo" as the ball was travelling toward the fielder, which many commentators believe was ever so slightly unsporting, although Liston claimed later to have merely been annoyed at missing out on a hundred.
Attwood was next into the breach as the overs ticked down, Leigh still comfortably ahead but with work still to be done before victory was guaranteed. OCD Giles and 'Quiet Dog' Attwood set about turning ones into twos and punishing the bad balls and the runs ticked along nicely leaving Leigh only needing about 20 runs with 5 overs to go. Against the run of play Giles then perished for a well crafted 45, allowing Billy 'The Kid' King to come in and apply the finishing touches to the game with Neal. Leigh closed out the victory in the 19th over of the 20, but with a fairly comfortable 7 wickets in hand.
Denis congratulated his troops on a batting job well done, with a point that the team will need to be right on their games for next weeks visit of the all conquering Chelmsford!
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