Golden Moments 2008 countdown 15-11
After the rundown of 'The Voices' top 15 most shameful and inglorious moments from the Centenary Season last year with Simon Wallace just pipping Paul Sibley to the title, anticipation has been high for who and what would be challenging for the crown this season. Players have been on their toes, administrators have been sharpening their knives and everyone has been wanting to avoid the top spot. The selection process has been laborious, the contenders have been whittled down, and the final 15 are ready! So eyes down, look in, here we go.
Number 15 - 'Heads!!'
Date: Saturday September 6th
Opposition: Benfleet
Starring: Richard 'Handbag' Stubbington and Brian Pickles
We all know that sometimes, fashion is a very important thing to take into consideration. When going out drinking with friends, or to a meal with that special someone, you always want to look your best. Clothing is selected with style in the front of your mind. What statement do I want to make with what I am wearing?
Sometimes however style has to be ignored, and in even more extreme circumstances it has to be bound, gagged and tossed into the nearest open waterway. One of these extreme times was in the last second team league game against Benfleet. Benfleet's home ground Woodside Park is to warm weather what Genghis Khan was to international diplomacy. A chill breeze is always blowing through the wild open tundra of Benfleet and on this day stinging horizontal rain had decided to ride on the wind. This meant that, although everyone was keen to get out and win the vital promotion game, no-one was looking forward to the mild pneumonia that might come from the conditions. Richard Stubbington, never one to provide fielding bravery in any way shape or form, was concerned that his delicate physical condition was under threat from the elements. In an effort to ensure his own warmth and wellbeing, he elected to strap on an extra large 'Freddie' long sleeve woolly jumper.
Now as everyone knows Selfington's throw has never been the strongest, in fact throughout his career many have chanced a 'risky' two only to find they get home with time to spare before his throw arrives. This day with the long sleeves on his extra layer that would have dwarfed the arms of an NBA All Star, his throw was further hampered. Midway through the innings a flick through square leg off Dan Power sent Richard scampering toward the boundary in pursuit of the ball. Having caught the projectile, Richard turned to throw. Although the speed of his arm was negligible, his accuracy was perfect and straight as an arrow it flew back to the strip. The only thing that stood in the way of the ball striking the stumps and potentially leaving the batsman floundering mid-pitch was the area between the shoulder blades of the square leg umpire. At that precise moment the square leg umpire was the Northern Warrior that is Brian Pickles, a man never known to hide his disgust or displeasure at various cricketing matters at various points in his life. At being struck by the throw, Brian instantly winced with the pain of the blow, before half turning and hurling his plastic over and ball counter to the floor (with a great deal more power than Richard had managed). Glaring at the heavily jumpered miscreant with what criminal justice lawyers would describe as almost "reason enough to convict, your honour" Brian was clearly unimpressed. Casual observers later commented they were unsure whether Brian was annoyed because of the direction of the throw or disappointed with the lack of power.
Number 14 - 'Standing up to the Captain'
Date: Saturday May 31st
Opposition: West Essex
Starring: Dave Clarke and Brian Pettitt
After another week of persistent rain there was a grey cloud over the entire cricket programme for the last weekend in May. Somehow the second team fixture went ahead, with conditions at West Essex best described as 'damp' and at worst 'quagmire'. The second team took to the field to start the show. With the track performing schizophrenically with indifferent bounce very much to the fore, the positioning of the keeper and slips was seen by captain Brian Pettitt as vitally important early doors. Having seen one ball fail to bounce at all from the skiddy Steve Elliott, Brian instructed his keeper Mr D. Clarke in his finest commander in chief voice to "come up a few yards Clarkey, its not gonna bounce much today son!"
This request was not met with much glee by Dave however, who replied by asking whether the captain would maybe prefer to take over the role behind the stumps himself. Cue a very frank exchange of views between the two protagonists on both the merits of a 6 foot 5 inch wicketkeeper (everyone knows 5 foot 10 is the optimum keeping height), of the captain keeping wicket and the importance of a wicketkeeper batsman being able to think for himself.
Both will be producing their findings in short essays on these topics very shortly.
Number 13 - 'Showtime!!'
Date: Saturday July 12th
Opposition: Everyone
Starring: Dan Power
Leigh is a club with its fair share of personalities, with the angry, the bizarre, the good, bad and definitely the ugly. However this year, one man has been arguably the biggest personality on the pitch at our club. Dan Power, leg spinner for the second team has been taking wickets, making big hitting runs down the order and pissing off opponents all season.
After one fielding display in which catches were being dropped at a staggering rate, Dan after taking one, produced his coup de grace - "You gotta want it!! I caught it cos I wanted it!!" This catchphrase was repeated at various clutch points through the season as Dan helped spin Leigh to the title.
Dan's other trump card up his sleeve is his ability as well as delivering leg breaks is delivering top notch extremely loud shrill appeals at an unbelievable rate. These appeals not only stop the game for the umpires decision, they stop other games in the park! Once this appeal has been adjudged successful by the umpire (no doubt packing aspirin) then starts a celebration that Monty Panesar would be proud of.
The new Leigh showman - Dan Power!
Number 12 - 'Oh baby its cold outside.'
Date: Saturday April 19th
Opposition: Westcliff
Starring: Richard Stubbington and Dan Power
Another tale of Richard Stubbington 'Stubbo' not revelling in the cold conditions on a cricket field, but this time he had a partner in crime. The preseason friendly against Westcliff had already seen two moments that told of what was to follow during the rest of the season, with firstly Jon Threadgold giving Richard a life by failing to give Stubbo out stumped, when he was late on returning to the crease by about 2 seconds (he preceded to go on to get an asthma pump fuelled 90) and the other taste of what was to come was the first in a season of cameo's by one D Liston (39).
As Westcliff toiled on a bitingly cold day at the CPCG, it soon became clear that when Leigh fielded it would probably be even colder. After tea, many of the fielding team took extra time to slip on a long sleeve tshirt or a jumper. Stubbington and Power were the last two left in the changing room as the rest of the side arrived out onto the field greeted by a lovely early season combination of howling winds and leaden grey skies that continued threatening rain.
Power arrived onto the field first of the two, wearing multiple underlayers, two jumpers, a truly horrible fleecy looking bright white adidas coat (resplendent with light blue three stripe) and to top this polite society fashion crime was a grey and red beanie hat! Unforgivable. Everyone on the field thought they had seen it all. That is until Selfington appeared.
Richard rolled onto the field looking less like a well honed cricketing machine ready to wage war onto the Westcliff batting lineup, and more like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man. He was tanked up with two 'baselayers', a t-shirt, two cricket shirts, a blue Leigh on Sea rain proof hooded macintosh, a short sleeved jumper a long sleeved jumper and his blue slazenger sun hat. Loud laughter could be heard from all parts as he shuffled his way onto the field, as the hood of the rain proof poked out the back of the long sleeved jumper and the sun hat was pulled down as far as it could reach over his ears in a desperate effort to ward off the cold.
To keep his hands warm he spent the next two hours fielding like a gimp.
Number 11 - 'Holiday! Celebrate!'
Date: Saturday July 12th
Opposition: Benfleet and Old Southendians
Starring: Stephen Elliott
When first team opening bowler Steve Elliott rocked up to the third team game against Benfleet midway through the season, his bowling statistics were not looking pretty, in fact up until that point in the year he had 'got into the wickets' fewer times than he had got into Reflex. As the rest of the team arrived, many cast green eyed gazes at Steve's golden tan which appeared to have materialised during the week. When asked if he had been on holiday, he surprisingly replied in the negative however. After more extensive questioning it was revealed that Steve's tanned glow was from a bottle of tan enhancing moisturiser applied in the morning! This tan which, at first glance looked fairly natural, proved upon closer examination to be rather streaky and patchy in coverage. As the opening (now West Indian) bowler started his run up for the first ball of the game, it became clear that something however was different.
After 5 overs Steve had 4 wickets! He was bowling with accuracy, speed and control and had systematically dismantled the Benfleet top order. 3 of which had been comprehensively bowled by 'Tanned Sidearse' setting up the team for a comprehensive 9 wicket victory. (Only batsman to fail - D Liston)
Seeing his season had now turned the corner, Steve arrived at the next game against Old Southendians sporting the same streaky sun tan that had graced Woodside Park. Proclaiming before the game in fact that his upturn in form had been purely because of his 'lucky tan'. After 5 overs of bowling Steve had however lost all of the good fortune his Curtly Ambrose looks had gained him the previous week and he had sunk back down into the mire of more pale faced Leigh medium pacers, without even so much as a sniff of a wicket.
Suffice it to say the 'lucky tan' did not appear the next week.
Number 15 - 'Heads!!'
Date: Saturday September 6th
Opposition: Benfleet
Starring: Richard 'Handbag' Stubbington and Brian Pickles
We all know that sometimes, fashion is a very important thing to take into consideration. When going out drinking with friends, or to a meal with that special someone, you always want to look your best. Clothing is selected with style in the front of your mind. What statement do I want to make with what I am wearing?
Sometimes however style has to be ignored, and in even more extreme circumstances it has to be bound, gagged and tossed into the nearest open waterway. One of these extreme times was in the last second team league game against Benfleet. Benfleet's home ground Woodside Park is to warm weather what Genghis Khan was to international diplomacy. A chill breeze is always blowing through the wild open tundra of Benfleet and on this day stinging horizontal rain had decided to ride on the wind. This meant that, although everyone was keen to get out and win the vital promotion game, no-one was looking forward to the mild pneumonia that might come from the conditions. Richard Stubbington, never one to provide fielding bravery in any way shape or form, was concerned that his delicate physical condition was under threat from the elements. In an effort to ensure his own warmth and wellbeing, he elected to strap on an extra large 'Freddie' long sleeve woolly jumper.
Now as everyone knows Selfington's throw has never been the strongest, in fact throughout his career many have chanced a 'risky' two only to find they get home with time to spare before his throw arrives. This day with the long sleeves on his extra layer that would have dwarfed the arms of an NBA All Star, his throw was further hampered. Midway through the innings a flick through square leg off Dan Power sent Richard scampering toward the boundary in pursuit of the ball. Having caught the projectile, Richard turned to throw. Although the speed of his arm was negligible, his accuracy was perfect and straight as an arrow it flew back to the strip. The only thing that stood in the way of the ball striking the stumps and potentially leaving the batsman floundering mid-pitch was the area between the shoulder blades of the square leg umpire. At that precise moment the square leg umpire was the Northern Warrior that is Brian Pickles, a man never known to hide his disgust or displeasure at various cricketing matters at various points in his life. At being struck by the throw, Brian instantly winced with the pain of the blow, before half turning and hurling his plastic over and ball counter to the floor (with a great deal more power than Richard had managed). Glaring at the heavily jumpered miscreant with what criminal justice lawyers would describe as almost "reason enough to convict, your honour" Brian was clearly unimpressed. Casual observers later commented they were unsure whether Brian was annoyed because of the direction of the throw or disappointed with the lack of power.
Number 14 - 'Standing up to the Captain'
Date: Saturday May 31st
Opposition: West Essex
Starring: Dave Clarke and Brian Pettitt
After another week of persistent rain there was a grey cloud over the entire cricket programme for the last weekend in May. Somehow the second team fixture went ahead, with conditions at West Essex best described as 'damp' and at worst 'quagmire'. The second team took to the field to start the show. With the track performing schizophrenically with indifferent bounce very much to the fore, the positioning of the keeper and slips was seen by captain Brian Pettitt as vitally important early doors. Having seen one ball fail to bounce at all from the skiddy Steve Elliott, Brian instructed his keeper Mr D. Clarke in his finest commander in chief voice to "come up a few yards Clarkey, its not gonna bounce much today son!"
This request was not met with much glee by Dave however, who replied by asking whether the captain would maybe prefer to take over the role behind the stumps himself. Cue a very frank exchange of views between the two protagonists on both the merits of a 6 foot 5 inch wicketkeeper (everyone knows 5 foot 10 is the optimum keeping height), of the captain keeping wicket and the importance of a wicketkeeper batsman being able to think for himself.
Both will be producing their findings in short essays on these topics very shortly.
Number 13 - 'Showtime!!'
Date: Saturday July 12th
Opposition: Everyone
Starring: Dan Power
Leigh is a club with its fair share of personalities, with the angry, the bizarre, the good, bad and definitely the ugly. However this year, one man has been arguably the biggest personality on the pitch at our club. Dan Power, leg spinner for the second team has been taking wickets, making big hitting runs down the order and pissing off opponents all season.
After one fielding display in which catches were being dropped at a staggering rate, Dan after taking one, produced his coup de grace - "You gotta want it!! I caught it cos I wanted it!!" This catchphrase was repeated at various clutch points through the season as Dan helped spin Leigh to the title.
Dan's other trump card up his sleeve is his ability as well as delivering leg breaks is delivering top notch extremely loud shrill appeals at an unbelievable rate. These appeals not only stop the game for the umpires decision, they stop other games in the park! Once this appeal has been adjudged successful by the umpire (no doubt packing aspirin) then starts a celebration that Monty Panesar would be proud of.
The new Leigh showman - Dan Power!
Number 12 - 'Oh baby its cold outside.'
Date: Saturday April 19th
Opposition: Westcliff
Starring: Richard Stubbington and Dan Power
Another tale of Richard Stubbington 'Stubbo' not revelling in the cold conditions on a cricket field, but this time he had a partner in crime. The preseason friendly against Westcliff had already seen two moments that told of what was to follow during the rest of the season, with firstly Jon Threadgold giving Richard a life by failing to give Stubbo out stumped, when he was late on returning to the crease by about 2 seconds (he preceded to go on to get an asthma pump fuelled 90) and the other taste of what was to come was the first in a season of cameo's by one D Liston (39).
As Westcliff toiled on a bitingly cold day at the CPCG, it soon became clear that when Leigh fielded it would probably be even colder. After tea, many of the fielding team took extra time to slip on a long sleeve tshirt or a jumper. Stubbington and Power were the last two left in the changing room as the rest of the side arrived out onto the field greeted by a lovely early season combination of howling winds and leaden grey skies that continued threatening rain.
Power arrived onto the field first of the two, wearing multiple underlayers, two jumpers, a truly horrible fleecy looking bright white adidas coat (resplendent with light blue three stripe) and to top this polite society fashion crime was a grey and red beanie hat! Unforgivable. Everyone on the field thought they had seen it all. That is until Selfington appeared.
Richard rolled onto the field looking less like a well honed cricketing machine ready to wage war onto the Westcliff batting lineup, and more like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man. He was tanked up with two 'baselayers', a t-shirt, two cricket shirts, a blue Leigh on Sea rain proof hooded macintosh, a short sleeved jumper a long sleeved jumper and his blue slazenger sun hat. Loud laughter could be heard from all parts as he shuffled his way onto the field, as the hood of the rain proof poked out the back of the long sleeved jumper and the sun hat was pulled down as far as it could reach over his ears in a desperate effort to ward off the cold.
To keep his hands warm he spent the next two hours fielding like a gimp.
Number 11 - 'Holiday! Celebrate!'
Date: Saturday July 12th
Opposition: Benfleet and Old Southendians
Starring: Stephen Elliott
When first team opening bowler Steve Elliott rocked up to the third team game against Benfleet midway through the season, his bowling statistics were not looking pretty, in fact up until that point in the year he had 'got into the wickets' fewer times than he had got into Reflex. As the rest of the team arrived, many cast green eyed gazes at Steve's golden tan which appeared to have materialised during the week. When asked if he had been on holiday, he surprisingly replied in the negative however. After more extensive questioning it was revealed that Steve's tanned glow was from a bottle of tan enhancing moisturiser applied in the morning! This tan which, at first glance looked fairly natural, proved upon closer examination to be rather streaky and patchy in coverage. As the opening (now West Indian) bowler started his run up for the first ball of the game, it became clear that something however was different.
After 5 overs Steve had 4 wickets! He was bowling with accuracy, speed and control and had systematically dismantled the Benfleet top order. 3 of which had been comprehensively bowled by 'Tanned Sidearse' setting up the team for a comprehensive 9 wicket victory. (Only batsman to fail - D Liston)
Seeing his season had now turned the corner, Steve arrived at the next game against Old Southendians sporting the same streaky sun tan that had graced Woodside Park. Proclaiming before the game in fact that his upturn in form had been purely because of his 'lucky tan'. After 5 overs of bowling Steve had however lost all of the good fortune his Curtly Ambrose looks had gained him the previous week and he had sunk back down into the mire of more pale faced Leigh medium pacers, without even so much as a sniff of a wicket.
Suffice it to say the 'lucky tan' did not appear the next week.
posted by The Voice at 10:10 AM
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