Golden Moments 2008 countdown 10-6

Number 10 - 'Is that Arthur up there?'

Date: Saturday August 16th
Opposition: Basildon and Pitsea

Starring: Dave Clarke

After restricting Basildon to a paltry 146, any normal team would have been able to cruise to victory in this game with no real problems. Leigh however habitually decide to make these games into the sort of nail-biting, gut wrenching drama that would not look out of place in a Shakespeare tragedy. Early inroads gave Basildon a sniff of a win. When wickets 4 and 5 went down with still 20 runs needed (and the team batting effectively one man down due to the lower middle order Power of Dan being injured) Aaron Kerner and Joe Green were in trying to nudge Leigh closer to victory. As the lower order of Ben and Brian got padded up in front of the pavilion like Medieval knights awaiting a great battle, Dave Clarke had replaced Brian in the scorebox. Searching for a new pencil in Stubbington's pencil case, Dave unfortunately for all concerned stumbled across something that all mentally fragile batsman dread to hear - the duck call.

The man that to many encapsulates mental fragility in every way happened to be the batsman due in next - Ben Giles. Ben was padded and waiting to go in to perform his normal trick of sailing the ship home. However with the duck call in the hands of the Sledgehammer, Ben's mind started to turn to the consistency of finely strained chicken soup. As Clarke starting trumpeting the sound of a mallard, the noise started to hone in on the Giles psyche. After asking politely that Dave desist his quacking failed to achieve silence, Ben started getting angry. Insisting that Clarke stop in no uncertain terms. Strangely this seemed to spur Dave on. Ben's mind continued to crumble as now he had a small army of ducks stomping around in his brain. Ben's last act was then to plead for him to stop saying "Clarkey please stop, I'm falling to pieces down here". When another wicket fell Ben walked in to the sound of loud quacking. Amazingly able to hold it together enough to see off the first ball.

For the majority of the season Brian Pettitt had been doing a lot of the scoring for his team. His naturally nervous state of mind normally meaning that when the games got a little tense, he would spare no thought to letting his batsman know exactly what he imagined they should be doing or endeavouring to encourage the troops by screaming various sound-bites from the scorebox. When Brian Pettitt joined Ben at the crease, thankfully for every Leigh player, Dave declined to follow Brian out with the duck call. This game was as tense as any so far in the season and with Brian out in the middle Dave Clarke stepped up to the mantle of encourager in chief. With only 4 runs left to get Brian wafted at a wide one and Dave took no time in 'encouraging' by bellowing out "Get your f-ing head down Brian!"

A natural successor to the Hands has been found!


Number 9 - 'Traitor'

Date: Saturday August 30th
Opposition: Walthamstow / Leigh on Sea

Starring: Tim Knox

Our overseas import Tim Knox had made a big impression in his first season with the club, his bowling and batting being a great boost to new first team captain Stuart Elliott. Alas for Tim his Bruce Forsyth-esque appearance had not made such a big impression with the local female population (not nice to see him, to see him not nice) and for a long time he cut a forlorn and frankly unsatisfied figure until a local lass dropped her standards below the floor where Timothy was waiting! His true moment in the sun came not between the bedsheets but between the slips and point during the final league game of the season for the first team.

With a Walthamstow player off injured Leigh very generously sent there import out to sub field, with the opposing captain instantly putting Knox in at gully.

Sean Elliott was at the crease at the time facing their whippy New Zealand opening bowler. After leaving the first ball, Sean played semi forward to the second ball with perfectly coached soft hands but still only getting the outside half of his bat at the ball. The edge flew low toward Knox at gully. Surely the Leigh player would make an attempt but fail to catch it. It was a difficult chance, not a certainty for even a Test player (certainly if he was English) Tim would no doubt realise this and grass it for his friend... no, Tim with the reflexes of a cat who has been learning the ways of 'the force', threw his right hand down toward the ball with perfect timing snatched the catch mere centremetres from the turf.

To add insult to injury he then almost celebrated with the Walthamstow players due to the sheer unbelievable nature of the catch. Only just holding onto his impulse to hoop and holler, for understandable fear of retribution later.

Needless to say Sean didn't buy many drinks in the evening that followed the game!


Number 8 - 'The Letter'

Date: Wednesday May 7th
Opposition: N/A

Starring: Richard Stubbington

Dear Sir / Madam

I think you'll find that its all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!


Yours Truly

R Stubbington Esq.


Number 7 - 'Tim vs The World'

Date: Saturday July 19th
Opposition: Old Southendians

Starring: Tim Hewitt

We all have bad days.

Some days are however worse than others. For Tim Hewitt the Saturday game against Old Southendians would see him:

• Turn up late
• Forget his cricket trousers
• Have to watch the most boring innings of batting ever
• Tread in a huge pile of dog crap that instantly wound itself round his pimpled cricket boots
• Suffer horrific bouts of wind (Although others suffered perhaps more)
• Watch as Liston scored 70 and finally...
• Bat at number 6 when only 3 wickets fell in the Leigh innings!

All in all, not a day to tell the grandchildren about.


Number 6 - 'Leading by example'

Date: Saturday July 5th
Opposition: Westcliff

Starring: Brian Pettitt

Games against Westcliff are always hard fought, and normally have a fair share of aggro involved somewhere along the line. From debatable umpiring decisions, to dodgy catches and non walking there is always something to get people riled.

This game was no different.

As the Westcliff first team had been soundly spanked by the latest in a long line of first team conquerors during the year, the core of their team was seated on the boundary of the Leigh pitch to watch the Westcliff second team try to stave off a concerted Leigh assault. With Leigh very much on top in the game one late middle order partnership started growing worryingly for the home side. With messers Power, Catchpole and Pettitt all trying manfully to dismiss either of the two batsman (no-one knew there names unsurprisingly) as it became clear that Leigh efforts to wind up the game were becoming less and less fruitful, the attempts of the Westcliff first team to wind up Brian Pettitt were starting to pay dividends.

As Brian strained to get that extra yard of pace to blow the batsman away he overstepped, ruthlessly called by the umpire and cheered by the Westcliff support on the boundary. Brian ran in again but again was caught no balling. Another cheer went up. By this time steam can be seen erupting from the ears of the giant seamer and as he walks back to his mark he delivers a vitriolic burst toward the Westcliff first team who greet it with mocked 'ooooing' which did not please the skipper anymore than the no-balls were. After getting to the end of the over (only overstepping a further time to the delight of the visitors) Brian walked back down to fine leg, not before he aimed an outstretched digit in the general direction of the Auld Enemy.