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Chelmsford 248-9d
Leigh on Sea 135 aoA sun drenched Chelmer Park played host to the travelling Leigh on Sea 3rd team this week. Early pre-game talk had centred very much on selection issues with a total of four second team players from last week dropping down into the thirds including last years Batsman of the year Richard Stubbington 'Stubbo'. Third team captain Denis Freeman was in a very positive frame of mind saying before the game that he felt he had "a dizzying blend of youthful exuberance and a few wise heads to keep things steady" (he didn't mention the one perfectly round head in his side, but this was taken as a minor oversight on his behalf).
Ten members of the team arrived promptly and went about the pre game warm up and catching practice drills, Steve Brown however had decided that this was not for him. After being late getting to the meet, his navigator had decided to leave in another car. After an anxious twenty minutes wait and with Brown stamping his carbon footprint onto half of Chelmsford trying to find the ground, he finally appeared at the correct ground a mere ten minutes before the start of the match. After a change so fast even Superman would have been impressed, he was just about ready to walk onto the field with the rest of his team mates.
In the heat of the afternoon, early breakthroughs were vital and Dave Archer and Neil Attwood were able to provide them. In fact, in the early going the game looked very much as if Leigh were in the ascendancy as the opening bowlers shared out 3 wickets between them. The only thing that went wrong early in the game was one off target throw from Aaron Kerner, which caused him to let fly with a fantastically violent expletive which caused many passing mothers to clamp their hands over their children’s ears lest they hear anymore such language from the new 'Gordon Ramsey' of Leigh.
Unfortunately this would be the last positive from a Leigh perspective for quite some time, as the middle order of Chelmsford set up shop and starting flogging the Leigh bowling. First change bowler Dirty Den was hit out of the attack after just 3 overs, with deliveries being helped round to the leg side and leaving Denis with bowling figures that can only be described as dirty. At the other end Mafioso kingpin John Elliott was keeping the Chelmsford batsman under a degree of control, using a variety of flight, guile and the pervading threat of 'a sound kicking' later. Ramsey was brought into the attack to add a bit of vim to proceedings and after a tricky opening few overs quickly got into his stride. Alas as Kerner found his stride, so did the Chelmsford batsman, and John's previously tidy bowling figures began to take the kind of beating he normally asks Pete Luker to dish out to people 'disrespecting the family'. The batters had now found their feet and it suddenly began to look as if a big score was on the cards. They pushed on past 150 with ease and when Alex dropped a skied chance off Elliott's bowling, it seemed as if it wasn't going to be a Leigh day. The onslaught continued but Leigh caught a break as one of the batting protagonists had to retire hurt with a muscle strain on about 70, although as Alex Camp pointed out, the only thing he really looked like he had been pulling was the Leigh bowling.
With one of the danger men out of the way Dave Archer starting hauling the away team back into the game and he dismissed two Chelmsford batsmen quickly as the other main run scorer moved toward a hundred. By this point John's bowling figures were also moving quietly nearer to the three figures, but he was able to take the wicket of his main foe, via a sharp piece of fielding off a well hit straight drive, turning and running the non striker out for 99. Archer then ripped out the lower middle order with ease as Chelmsford moved past 200. The retired batsman then annoyingly rejoined the fray late on and succeeded in further dampening Leigh spirits. He had his middle stump knocked over by the Spanish Archer who ended up with a 7 for, and also made sure The Don finished with bang on 100. Chelmsford declaring their innings closed on 248-9.
The captain notified the main protagonists of their respective positions in the batting order once all had assembled in the Chelmsford tea room/greenhouse, and before too long the troops were back outside preparing to resume battle.
The fine figure of a man that is Richard Selfington had barely recovered from what he had found to be a very tiring fielding stint, his spherical head being thoroughly cooked by the sun. He decided to answer his captain’s call (mainly because he had openly campaigned for an opening bat spot before the game) and opened the innings with Alex 'Lord Vaughan' Camp. Out they strutted, with 248 runs already made on the track and the sun still warm in the sky, all Leigh thoughts were of getting off 'to a flier' and hauling in the Chelmsford total. Captain Denis applied a devastating curse on his side by being heard saying "This is the best batting line-up this side has had for years" before a ball had been bowled and it was not too long before his words were being used against him. The first over in fact brought the first wicket for Chelmsford. A good ball found the very thinnest of edges from Alex and behind to the keeper. The edge was so thin that Mike and Richard Stubbington 'Stubbo' at the other end did not hear it but Alex had and before he had time to compose himself and walk off he was being surrounded by hyped up Chelmsford fielders. After realising that he had not been given by Green, Alex decided to be honest and take the walk of shame through the now thronged masses of the Chelmsford slip cordon.
Next batter up was number 3 Jon Threadgold, joining Selfington at the crease. Leigh were off the mark at the start of the next over with a blooped drive looping through the vacant point area to get Stubby 2. The Chelmsford bowling was sprightly and the ball was moving through the air and off the pitch, and before Rich had advanced his score, his chances of getting an eye catching total evaporated quicker than spit in the Sahara, and his stumps were unceremoniously rearranged by the other opening bowler. Brown was lurking at number 4 and came out to steady the Leigh ship. With the ball still whipping around both batsman were struggling to knock the ball around effectively and a period of attritional warfare took place with neither team wanting to give any ground.
It was Chelmsford again that broke through enemy lines and despite Threaders crease occupation he was dismissed for 3. The embarrassment of having to walk away from the wicket was not helped by Jon attempting to bang his glove against his leg, but only serving to throw the aforementioned protection back behind himself toward the celebrating Chelmsford fielders. He had to stop, turn and go back for his glove. Painful to watch. Paul Morgan arrived at the crease looking ready to go and proclaiming that his pads were "feeling good today!” The expected drop in the standard of bowling had not really materialised and both first and second change were still getting the ball to move around and make it tricky for both batsmen.
Brown was beginning to find his touch but never really looked like breaking the shackles of the bowling, whereas at the other end Morgan was looking compact but was also struggling to score quickly. The arrival of a new legspinner on to bowl heralded the end of Sheephead's innings as, after a few words from super coach Stub about the do's and don'ts of skipping down the track, he skipped down the track and mis hit the spinning ball to a fielder. AK was the next blonde to the wicket and after seeking council from Brown as to the state of the game, he settled down to 'play himself in' this process didn’t last very long as third ball he too skipped down the track, swung and missed and was sent on his way by Richard 'No phone call' Stubbington "Stubbo" for a duck.
The in form Neil Attwood was next to the crease and with the game heading the wrong way rapidly, it looked like solid defence was needed from Leigh. Neil certainly looked to supply that, even getting in the ear of the bowlers who tried to wind him up. Steve 'The Voice' Brown's innings fell apart soon after Attwood's arrival and with a hint of frustration at being stuck on 39, he hit a full toss from the legspinner straight at mid on and had to depart. With the score nudging toward 100, Billy King stepped to the crease, his ears glinting slightly in the late afternoon sun reflecting off his Pietersen-esque earring and with Leigh needing him to compile a Pietersen style innings. Reports on the sidelines from Aaron 'Stephen Hawking' Kerner were that Billy's middle name had been revealed to be Wayne, leading many to begin noticing how toned the young man's wrists seemed as he whipped the ball around out in the middle.
As the game advanced into its crucial last hour, Neil and Wayne were batting extremely sensibly, hitting the bad balls and rotating the strike frequently in probably the best partnership of the Leigh innings. Chelmsford were able to break Attwood's resistance eventually, then moved quickly to remove the wise heads of Elliott and Freeman. This left the fate of the side purely in the hands of number 11 bat Dave Archer, who needed to survive the last 4 overs to salvage a draw from the game. Discussions were had about whether he could survive, with Threadgold offering a £1 that Archer remained unbeaten. Clubman Selfington instantly took him up on this bet saying he fancied the bowling hero to be a batting villain. After a chat with Wayne in the middle, the pair clearly decided that King should face most of the bowling, as he looked in tip top form. After almost running each other out this tactic started working well until the very last over, when Dave hit the second ball away on the legside for what seemed like an easy single to get King back on strike. To the crowds amazement the pair turned for the second and Dave was then back having to face again. The rest of the team held their heads in their hands, hoping that this error would not prove to be fatal. One ball later Dave edged the opening bowler toward second slip, he leapt to his right to attempt the catch, only to shell the match winning chance. As the ball got away from him King saw a chance to get back on strike calling Dave through for a quick single. Dave however remained very much where he was and the horrible sight of both batsmen standing at one end with the ball being walked back to the other end to complete the run out and win the game.
Stubby collected his winnings and Leigh had to settle for the thought that things could only get better.
Leigh on Sea - 172 ao
Woodford Wells - 176/3
The success of the first team against Old Parks the weekend before, meant that the second team were scheduled to take the long drive to the outskirts of London and visit the glorious vista of Woodford Wells.
The team showed 5 changes to the side that beat Old Parks 2's the week before, with JD coming in for the absent Richard Stubbington, and Steve Brown and Dave Catchpole returning to the fold. The clubs youth policy was in evidence with Paul Morgan and Toby Giles dragging the average age of the side downwards. Early wet weather in the build up to the weekend meant that conditions at 'the Wells' were described by a passing John McCririck as 'heavy' and Tony Greig's keys after being inserted in the middle of the pitch were held tighter than a pint of Kronenberg in the meaty paw of Paul Boughtwood. In fact the sloping style of The Wells cricket field coupled with the inclement weather, meant that just past the boundary rope on the far side was very similar to an peat bog.
With his team duly inspired, opening pair of Dave Clarke and AK set foot out onto the pitch to face the wrath of the new ball spell from Woodford. The early exchanges were decidedly one sided with both Aaron and Dave both being dropped on 0 by mid off and mid on respectively. With the short ball rearing up like a dragon with a nasty hangover trying to deal with a pair of persistent Jehovah’s witnesses, both batsmen were having difficulty establishing themselves. The bowlers were probing the Geoff Boycott corridor of uncertainty bowling to 7-2 fields and keeping the score down very effectively. Despite the problems with the track DC and AK still got a few scoring shots away with Clarke sending two blistering cover drives to the boundary and some nudges and nurdles providing both with valuable runs, and Aaron at one point lofting the opener back over mid off for a boundary.
The pitch was the main danger though as Clarke was struck painfully on the elbow and on the body. AK having to sway out of the way of one delivery that looked like it had been bowled by Stephen Harmison (only much straighter)
The first wicket to fall was that of Kerner who played at one that left him slightly and was taken at a stretch by the gully fielder. John Dyos was next into the breach and set out to accelerate the scoring. With the bowlers still getting a lot of help from the pitch Clarke was the next of the gang to die, caught again in the gully for a brave 18, which didn’t please him. With the score not quite past the 40 mark Simon Wallace strolled out to the wicket, wearing his calypso style white sun hat and was quickly off the mark. However his innings would be short lived as he received a vicious delivery that spat off the surface and went through at almost shoulder height. Simon showed what fine touch he must be in by somehow being able to get a thin outside edge on the ball whilst performing a move that a character from the Matrix Reloaded would have been fairly chuffed with.
With the score now showing 3 wickets down and still a way away from 50, things looked decidedly bleak. But every cloud has a silver lining and as the crowd looked on expectantly, Damian Liston stepped out to face the music. With the captain making a few bowling changes, there were new challenges to be overcome and with JD and Damo both striking the ball nicely the score moved up to the 50 mark. John in particular was attracting glances, not so much for his batting style, which has always been pleasing to the eye, but more for the fact he had chosen to take his hat out to bat with him, only to then elect that rather than wear it on his head, which is the general custom with these things, he went with tucking into the front of his trousers. This strange wardrobe choice didn’t seem to put him off however and he continued to push the bowling into the gaps.
Attempting to whip a straight ball into the largely vacant legside, John fell bowled through the gate. Browny came in at number 6 having first pointed out that the wicketkeeper for Woodford looked a little bit like a thirty-something James Foster. After getting off the mark first ball he then fell 5th ball after the ball rose unexpectedly to hit his glove and the aforementioned wicketkeeper taking a sprawling catch to dismiss him. The irony of that was not lost on him afterwards.
After beating a few deliveries to the boundary Damian was dismissed by a delivery that also got big on him and as he tried to avoid it, it struck him on the elbow sending it downwards where it ricocheted off the pitch back onto his stumps in unfortunate fashion. Damian didn’t quite say that he ‘should’ve got a hundred’ but he possibly thought it was on before fate dealt its cruel blow.
The Leigh innings by this point looked as if destined to fall into the abyss, as James Pettitt and Paul Morgan joined each other in the middle with the score on about 70-6. Sporting cut off sleeves that looked as if a jealous ex girlfriend had been at them with a razor sharp pair of secateurs, Paul Morgan played a fluent (if short) innings, perhaps fittingly given the state of his sleeves, he seemed to specialise in the cut shot, knocking two cleanly away through point. Unfortunately a short time later his cameo was brought to an end by slapping another cut straight at gully who took his third catch of the day.
Pettitt was joined by a gleaming Toby Giles, fresh faced member of the side, who had seemingly bought all his kit the day before. Several spectators had to quickly find a barrier between the sun reflecting off his stunningly clean boots/pads and their now complaining retina’s. Sunglasses were suddenly a must have item. Giles and Pettitt then set about turning the tide and now with the ball doing a little bit less, they had success. Toby looked particularly easy at the crease, with the only criticism being that his effortless pick up shot from the ball pitching on leg stump looked as if it should be landing in the road rather than halfway to the boundary as it was (more effort needed perhaps?) James was coupling hitting booming drives out through the cover period and the apparent need to take ages to muck around with his gloves off after every ball. This habit systematically got both bowlers and umpires backs up. This came to a head when he called for a drink whilst only having 24 on the board, with the umpire telling him that he should maybe consider 'getting on with it'. The pair took the score past the 150 mark before Pidge stooped to pick up a breadcrumb and was dismissed.
Whilst this was going on Dave Catchpole was going through a variety of differing mental states on the sidelines. Early on, as it became clear he would be having a fairly extended bat in the days game, he was the very embodiment of positivity, speaking of both his desire and ability to get a big score. As the game progressed however Catchers began to swing steadily down towards outright negativity. Mentioning how he didn’t think he would get any and going as far as picking out bowlers who would dismiss him.
His innings in many ways followed exactly the same path as his mood with his first ball being uneventful before his second ball was dispatched high into the early afternoon sky, only coming down a few inches from the boundary and hopping over for 4. It proved the dizzying high before the stomach wrenching drop however as the third ball nipped back and pinned him in front lbw.
Brian was the last man out and Leigh were back in the hutch for 172. With 'Tobes' unbeaten on debut with a very impressive 50.
After heading down to Dave Clarke’s favourite tea location (all humming the tune on his phone), Leigh sprinted out to begin clawing the game back from the brink. Early wickets were needed and plenty of them. Unfortunately, as is normally the case, the pitch that was doing all sorts when we were batting seemed to have calmed as the warmth of the sun reduced slightly, and many of the steepling bounce and movement appear to have abated under the new ball spells of Catchers and Pettitt. In fact after a few overs Dave was removed from the attack to change ends and Wallace was brought into the attack to provide some incisiveness.
This tactic was not hugely successful however and the openers for Woodford seemed to be not having many problems scoring. The shorter of the two batsman in particular was playing with a careful style, which dealt Liston a painful blow on the shin from his ‘pounce position’ at short leg which quite literally no-one found amusing…..
The pacemen were undoubtedly putting the effort in and Brian straining to find the extra two yards of pace overstepped on one delivery which heartbreakingly was hit straight to cover for what would have been the first wicket of the day. This reprieve was short lived as a short time later the same batsman tried to smash one out of the ground but only succeeded in flashing it off the inside edge onto his stumps. Damian reminding him in no uncertain terms that ‘justice’ had been dished out.
This wicket proved to be the last for a while as Woodford asserted there dominance and built up a healthy partnership for the second wicket, which in fact was only broken by the other openers retiring once he got to 50. The batsman who replaced him did not look quite so streaky and the game came back to Leigh ever so slightly. James was able to cut down runs for the most part with his bowling, and the return of Catchpole for a second spell seemed to be working nicely.
Brian returning from the bottom end had almost an immediate effect taking a neat caught and bowled chance. The score continued onward however and Toby ‘Tobes’ Giles was called upon to be the difference maker again with the ball. Unfortunately for the young man, the only difference he could make in the second half of the game was to increase the pain felt by Dave Clarke behind the stumps by forcing him to dive painfully onto his swollen left elbow time after time. Giles did bowl an absolute pearler though to hit the batsman plumb in front, but the appeal was turned down. The third seemingly stone cold lbw that had gone the same way. Brian did have one appeal in his favour fairly late on but by this time the tide had already swept Leigh very much in the wrong direction.
As Woodford reached up toward their target Catchpole returned again but to no avail and Woodford rounded the game off with a certain degree of ease to give them a well deserved victory.
Leigh retired back to the pavilion to listen to Dave Clarke’s ‘Style Council’ ringtone for some post game therapy.
Steve Brown
